Psychoanalysis • Psychotherapy • Counseling

David I. Brandt, LCSW, LLC

Montclair, NJ Area

Tools & Insights

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Does the Perspective of the Listener Matter?

Posted on April 9, 2014 at 11:36 PM Comments comments (8)
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Interesting Commentary on Marriage

Posted on March 29, 2014 at 4:46 PM Comments comments (0)
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(Do you see these couples as potentially peaceful? Bored and mechanized? Close or distant? OK or not OK?)

Can One Ever Successfully Possess or Fully Know Another Person?

Posted on March 29, 2014 at 4:38 PM Comments comments (4)
“Marriage … that odd mixture of violent devotion and legitimate lust in which desire eventually gives way to a forced and decorous composure that captures the essential opacity of even one’s most intimate partner”

Alberto Moravia (translated from Italian)

Getting to Know You!?™

Posted on March 29, 2014 at 4:17 PM Comments comments (0)
Getting to Know You!™

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"A man must eat a peck of salt with his friend, before he knows him.” Miguel De Cervantes

And that is A LOT of salt!  It takes time to really know if someone will become a friend or not (or a lover or not).  Too often we impulsively jump into a relationship, whether out of desperation, fear of being alone, insecurity, and/or over-exuberance - only to find that we actually had very little on which to base the relationship. We were really living out some projection, vision or fantasy in our heads.  It takes time to allow ourselves to be more vulnerable, which is what we need to do in order to grow and evolve greater intimacy. One cannot rush this process!!!

Additionally, getting to really know someone takes work at times and is definitely NOT all fun and games.  Part of eating a lot of “salt” together is, indeed, taking the time needed to learn about our interactional dynamics and styles and then learning to be mindful of them. We must also learn to DEVELOP OUR MUTUAL WILLINGNESS AND INTEREST IN adjusting in response to these dynamics and styles as needed.  So many run away at the first sign of rupture or difficulty.  Others simply avoid anything that smacks of confrontation. Often, we simply want it to go our way.

So one can see that a whole set of skills is needed in order to achieve truer and deeper relationships, not the least of which include patience, tolerance, empathy, interest and motivation, faith and ability to delay gratification, to name a few.  This is not to say that one cannot fall in love at first sight or shack up right away, or that it isn’t okay for passion to rule the day.  But it would probably be wise to at least be CONSCIOUS of what we are looking for in any given scenario!

A Friend is ...

Posted on January 2, 2014 at 3:23 PM Comments comments (0)
A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.

~George Eliot